My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
ttyl tear gas
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
