A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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