Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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