Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
soo... how was my night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
