She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize