Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
