Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
