i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
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just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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