Plan B is the new Plan A
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
