Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Drake has all the answers
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
