the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
