Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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