break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
