as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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