...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
