apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Also, beer. Big fan.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
