we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
