no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
