omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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