I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My vagina just recognized that song.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
