HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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