did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
