I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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