Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
