Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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