You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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