The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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