I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
