At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
