Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
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This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
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I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't deserve a penis
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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