i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
