she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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