I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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