Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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