Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
