mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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