We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
