You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
