Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize