Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i think i have two assholes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
