I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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