we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
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ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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