and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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