I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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