We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
