I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize