Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
