woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
