I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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