did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
