At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think I just shit out all my problems.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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