Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
