i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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