you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
