i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
