just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There's always time for handjobs
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
