god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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