I wish I only lived at night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
