so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
