I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
