Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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