Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
