you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
