They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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