I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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