don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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