I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
