Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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