hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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