I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
