I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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