I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You are a genius and a whore.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
