i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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